Love Hurts
by jumpinjames
Summary: Olivia breaks down after the post soccer game revelations. Olivia/Viola
1. Chapter 1

**TITLE:** Love Hurts

**FANDOM:** She's the Man

**RATING:** T may change to M later

**PAIRING:** Olivia/Viola

**SUMMARY:** Olivia breaks down after the revelations.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing, but I'm pretty sure this story is coming out of my head. Can anything really be yours after it's out of your head?

The panic attack started by the soccer field when "Sebastian" took off his wig, and shook out that long hair, it felt like my heart was going to explode. I was feeling dizzy and light headed, this wasn't just a panic attack, this, This was a panic assault. When he lifted his shirt revealing a much thinner, beautiful, very FEMALE body, my last conscious thought before I fainted was that I fell in love with a girl.

"Ow…" my head was killing me. I was still out by the soccer field, and no one seemed to have noticed that I was lying on the ground.

_He's a she… Sebastian is Viola… I have been fantasizing about a girl… but wait… I kissed her. But there was stubble… Okay, _I felt a brief wave of relief_, I kissed the Real Sebastian. But I fell in love with My Sebastian… Oh my god… I fell in love with a girl… NO!! She tricked me, she lied to me. I couldn't love her!! _

My mind was stuck on Sebastian/Viola, I was furious, and more than a little turned on (I just got to see both the Real Sebastian, and My Sebastian naked), and depressed, and Jealous… _had she really just said she loved Duke? I think I'm going to cry… I need to get away from all of these people_…

I made it to my building before the tears came. By the time I was in my room I was sobbing uncontrollably. I didn't even make it to my bed before I collapsed. I just curled up into a ball on the floor and cried.

After about 2 hours, I pulled myself together enough to get up and move to my bed, My bed… where just last night, I had touched myself wishing it was Sebastian's perfect soft skin touching me… but that was Viola's skin… _does that make me a lesbian? I don't want to be in love with a girl. Is it too late? _I imagined her touching me the way I had last night... And it still gave me goose bumps. _I think I'm going to be sick!_

I have never felt this bad before, never. Everything hurt. I've had crushes before, I've even told a boy that I loved him once. But nothing could have prepared me for this. It felt like the world was ending. I wanted to die, just so the pain would stop. Finally I fell asleep, emotionally exhausted.

I wish I could say I felt better in the morning. That I got over it. Or that I could at least be detached enough to function… but I can't.

I dreamed about Sebastian, he pulled off his Viola mask and it was My Sebastian again... and we kissed and when I looked up, I realized that I had been kissing _Her_.

I hated her that morning. I wanted desperately to hurt her, as bad as she had hurt me. I wanted to make her suffer and cry. I even considered asking Duke out, just to spite her. I'm fairly sure he was still into me. And if her feeling for him were even close to mine for "Sebastian" then that would be very fitting, the only thing that prevented me from doing just that, was that I would be playing with Duke's feelings the same way she had played with mine.

Knock Knock Knock… "Livy Hon? You alive in there?" Maria called through the door.

I just rolled away from the door, remaining silent.

"You're going to be late for class"

I realized that she knew… _Oh my god, Everyone knew. I didn't keep it a secret that I had a thing for Sebastian!!_

"Is this about that thing at the soccer game?"

That did it, I totally lost the little control I gained over night. I came sprinting out of the room tears streaming down my face, straight to a stall in the bathroom. I hadn't had anything since yesterday's pukefest, so it was just acid, bile, and a little blood. I didn't even know Maria had followed me till she was helping me up. She helped me wash my face, and take me to the nurses office. Somewhere along the way there, I stopped crying. So I was actually able to answer the nurse's questions when she asked them.

After checking me out, she said I was a little dehydrated, and had a small tear in my esophagus that was causing the bleeding. So she gave me an IV and told me she needed to keep me for a day or two. Which was fine with me, no one could ask me about the cross dressing fiasco if no one knew where I was.

Maria tried to get me to talk for a while. But all she succeeded in doing was being late to class herself.

How do I talk when the only person I would want to talk to about this, happens to be the one that caused it? I desperately wanted to talk to My Sebastian. And even though I knew that he had really been Viola. They still were separate people in my head. I still loved My Sebastian, and I was so insanely mad at Viola that I actually shook now and then in rage.

Two days later:

Now I was starting to really get scared, I still hadn't been able to keep anything down. And my attempts and failures at eating had reopened the tears in my throat. The nurse had told me that if I couldn't keep something down by tonight, that I'd need to go to the hospital.

It was like I couldn't trust myself at all, if I thought about Sebastian, I'd start to cry again, if I thought about Viola I'd get really mad, but the worst was when I would think about what her skin felt like, or how she would smile at me, or her eyes. I would get this brief happy warm feeling, which I hated, and then my stomach would start trying to turn itself inside out again.

I know that Maria is my best friend, but that seems kind of inadequate to describe how great she was through all of this, I'm sure that if she hadn't dragged me to the nurses that day, I'd probably be dead right now, she was there every day trying to get me to talk to her. Trying to make me feel better. But even she has her limits and on that third day, she reached them.

"Liv, you can't do this to yourself anymore, I know that the situation is screwed up. But you can't let it destroy you like this."

"I don't really have a choice, don't you think I'd quit if I could?" _Was that really my voice? I sound terrible._

"I honestly don't know Hon, you won't tell me what's going on in that head."

"Nothing…"

"Fine! If you won't talk to me I'll get someone you will talk to!"

She slammed the door, I've never seen her lose that much control before, she must be really mad at me. _I wonder who she thinks I'll talk to. My parents already called, they are cutting short their trip to come home, great more guilt for the depressed girl. Maybe she's getting her therapist to come see me… _

I wish she had brought her therapist, because the second _**she**_ stepped into the room, I was gone. I just went for the bathroom as fast as I could, tearing my IV out in the process. I wanted to hit her, I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to be as far away as possible, I wanted to wrap myself around her… at least I had seen the guilt in her eyes. Because if she had came in there, looking like she hadn't done anything wrong. I would have hit her with something, I was sure of it.

So there I was on the bathroom floor, pressed against the door, my arm was bleeding pretty badly, I didn't think an IV needle could do that much damage.

"Olivia, I know you can hear me. Can you please let me in?"

I hated her, I hated that she scared me this much, I hated that she had lied to me, I hated that she sounded so apologetic.

"I'm sorry Olivia, I had no idea where you went, I thought you were avoiding me. I looked everywhere for you."

I hated that she was here, I hated that she knew what she did to me, I hated that I had run instead of hurting her.

"I never meant for any of this to happen, I just thought I was going to play soccer, I swear I wouldn't have done it, if I knew it was going to hurt anyone."

I hated that she was being sincere, I hated that I could hear her crying, I hated that she seemed to care

"Olivia, I'm not going to ask you to forgive me, because what I did to you was pretty unforgivable, but…. Olivia! Olivia, there is blood coming under the door! Olivia, OPEN THE DOOR!!"

I hated that I could still hear him in her voice, I hated that I wanted to make her feel better.

I hated that I loved her.

To be continued…?

**Review/discuss/flame: This is my first attempt at fan fiction, so anything is helpful. Let me know if you want me to continue.**


	2. Chapter 2

**TITLE:** Love Hurts

**FANDOM:** She's the Man

**RATING:** T may change to M later

**PAIRING:** Olivia/Viola

**SUMMARY:** Olivia breaks down after the revelations.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing, but I'm pretty sure this story is coming out of my head. Can anything really be yours after it's out of your head?

**I hated that I loved her.**

I honestly didn't think I was bleeding that much till Viola started freaking out. But when I looked down I saw that my shirt and the floor were pretty covered in blood. _How much blood can you lose? I can't remember._ I went to stand up, intending to wash and dress my only wound that was easily fixable, but I collapsed again before I even made it halfway up. I guess that somewhere between the crying, throwing up, and bleeding I pretty much lost any strength I had. Because the last thing I remember before blacking out, was unlocking the door.

"… and the doctor was like 'the only prescription is more cowbell!'"

"Sebastian shut up! I think she's waking up."

_Oh God… she's still here, with Sebastian? Why is he here?_ I really didn't want to open my eyes. But there were people with me, and one of them was holding my hand. _Sigh… they already know I'm awake, I may as well get this over with. _Bracing myself for the worst, I opened my eyes.

Viola was sitting on the right side of the bed holding my hand _where am I? This isn't the nurse's office._ And her brother, the Sebastian that I kissed without him having a clue what was going on, was standing behind her. Maria was by the foot of the bed, her face was bright red and I think she was trying not to laugh about the story Sebastian had been telling.

"Where are we?" I whispered. _Wow, my voice is even worse now. How bad did Viola's little ruse mess me up?_

"They had to bring you to the hospital, you lost a lot of blood. Why did you run from me?"

_Not good! Not good at all… you will not cry, no tears. Damn it Olivia you will not break down in front of her!!_

There were tears… and there was crying. And a very uncomfortable looking Sebastian ducking out of the room. But I finally didn't break down. Sure there was crying, but I think I was already so broken at this point, that I didn't have any more broken to get.

"I'm going to let you two talk, I'll be outside if you need me." _No… Maria you can't leave me in here alone with her!! Please don't leave_

But she did leave, and I was alone with Viola, she was holding my hand. Her skin felt the same way it did when I first met him. I so clearly remember bumping into him leaving Principle Gold's office… (What a creep) I hated that he was on the right track with my thoughts. It was those eyes… and then he complimented my shoes. _It's amazing how dumb I can be_. But Mr. Gold was right, granted the abstinence speech was a little pointless, but my mind was already rounding second base with Sebastian within the first 30 seconds of meeting him. Which is really weird, normally those thoughts don't come till after the first kiss.

"Olivia?"

"Please… I don't…" _smooth girl, I think some remedial debutante conversation classes are in order_

"Don't what? Olivia, Maria says you haven't spoken to anyone in days!"

She didn't really yell at me, but her voice was apparently raised just enough to set off whatever internal bomb I had been building for the past 4 days.

"Well whose fault do you think that is?! Did you ever think that maybe I didn't want to talk about the fact that the guy fell in love with wasn't a guy at all!? How on earth can you live with yourself playing with people's feeling like that? It's not just me, what about poor Duke? Every single thing you know about him, you learned under false pretences. And then you tell him you love him at the game?! What on earth is wrong with you!? Why couldn't you have just been quiet and kept to yourself, you didn't need to make friends to play soccer, you certainly didn't need to talk to me ever! AND THEN you have the nerve to let me tell you that I was falling in love with you, in the bathroom and you said NOTHING!! You never even tried to fix things. What would you have done if I had found you instead of your brother?! What would have happened if I kissed you? Because you certainly didn't say anything to try to prevent it!! Is that what you wanted? Then you could have a big laugh 'eww its livy the lezy'! but the worst part is that you didn't even see it as wrong, all you cared about was yourself and you stupid soccer game! YOU let me find out when you flashed a thousand people… why would you even do that? Don't you have any modesty at all!?"

I've yelled before, but this time I felt my face go all pins and needles, which is really the only reason I stopped. I glanced at Viola intending to at least scowl at her, if not launch another tirade. _I think I broke her… _she was just sitting there, those huge eyes wide, still holding my hand.

A tear fell. This time it wasn't mine.

Then another, and then she just cracked...

"Oh my God, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't think... Oh my God I'm sorry…" the apologies kept pouring out of her, she just pushed her face into the bed beside me, and I couldn't even make out the words, but the shaking had grown very familiar the last few days. She wasn't just crying she was sobbing, in that shaky hard to breathe painful way. _Maybe she really didn't mean to hurt me_.

Apparently having a major screaming fit in a hospital isn't the best plan I've ever had, especially after having self inflicted damage. Because a nurse came in almost as soon as the screaming stopped

"I'm sorry Miss Lennox but I'm going to have to give you a sedative, your supposed to be resting right now. Your friends can come back tomorrow."

She stuck the needle into my new IV line, right before I fell asleep I heard Viola whispering

"I do care about you Olivia."

**I see now, reviews are addictive… its like instant excitement "OMG Someone liked my story!!"**


	3. Chapter 3

**TITLE:** Love Hurts

**FANDOM:** She's the Man

**RATING:** T may change to M later

**PAIRING:** Olivia/Viola

**SUMMARY:** Olivia breaks down after the revelations.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing, but I'm pretty sure this story is coming out of my head. Can anything really be yours after it's out of your head?

"**I do care about you Olivia."**

I'm not sure how long I was out, but I was so relived to wake up alone. _I really yelled at her, I was sure I wouldn't have the guts to do that…_

I tried, I really did try to not think about the situation. I mean, here I am laid out in a hospital bed, haven't eaten in days and still, all my mind could do was think about her. _When did I stop referring to her as a he?_ She had said she cared about me, and a part of me, went all warm and tingly at the thought. _She's obviously lying, if she cared at all, I wouldn't me in this mess._ The thing that was bugging me, after days of nearly killing myself in denial, now came easily. _Maybe it's the drugs?_ I remember each little thing that My Sebastian had done to make me fall for him. Each little vulnerability, all the random little quirks and I couldn't even force myself to think about him as a boy anymore. _I fell in love with all of her most girly qualities. I fell in love with a girl. How did that happen?_

It was just there. As much as that thought scared the hell out of me, I was able to think it without the violent denial that had put me in the hospital. _Is it my fault I'm here? She didn't make me deny what I was feeling._ Everything was just easier if I could put all the blame on her. but I knew that I was as much, if not more at fault for putting myself in that bed as she was.

I don't know if you have anything to compare it to, but when you realize certain very profound things about yourself. It can suddenly color all of your previous memories. I remember when we were little Maria and I would practice kissing. But I was still all 'eww boy cooties' at the time. I remember my first boyfriend, and how quickly I dumped him after his voice started changing. I remember earlier this year when I was dating Jeremy, he was home for the summer after his first year of college. And everything seemed to be going good until I brushed against him on the beach. His legs felt so gross, all fuzzy and rough. After which I started pulling away till he dumped me. _Oh my God, it's true. I'm a lesbian._

_Why am I not more freaked out?_ The fact that I was calm was for some reason bothering me more than the realization that I was gay. No wonder I liked Viola, she made a terrible boy.

For the first time in days I drifted off to sleep feeling slightly better.

Good things never last… I woke up to find my parents there with me. Now don't get me wrong, I love my parents, but they are not the first people you want to see after realizing you're into cross-dressing soccer playing girls…

"Liv honey, we came as soon as we heard. Are you alright?" _has mom been crying? I've never seen her cry._

"I feel a little better. I didn't mean to ruin your trip, I'm sorry."

"The nurse said you've been crying a lot, this better not be about some boy!" _great, Mom's crying and Dad is mad. _

"No dad, no boys. I'm so sorry I ruined your trip." _Please don't cry_ "I didn't mean to make you worry."

Way the wrong thing to say. I could see it in Dad's eyes as soon as I said it.

"You did this to yourself? What was it pills? Drugs? Please tell me…"

"No Dad, it was nothing like that." _Oh God, that's not enough of an explanation… what on earth could I say that would satisfy them? The truth? _

"Then what was it? You're not bulimic or something are you?"

I almost had to smile at that, only my Dad could make throwing up sound worse than drugs.

"No Dad, but speaking of food. I think I could keep some down right now. Aren't hospitals supposed to come with Jello?"

At least that made my Mom smile a little.

"I'll go ask the nurse, but you still need to tell us what's going on."

"I will Dad, but can we just do that at home? Please?"

I could tell he didn't want to, but he sighed, and left. I assume to go find me my Jello. My Mom just stared at me, I know she wanted to say something. But she wasn't going to here. _And why on earth am I thinking about Viola in the red dress from the carnival now? Because it's one of the only times I got to see her as her, not pretending to be someone else._

After sitting in silence for a few minutes, my Dad came back, with a nurse and I got to eat for the first time in 5 days. _Wow has it really been that long already?_ After she handed me the little cup of Jello, she wrote some stuff on my chart.

"Mr. Lennox, we are going to need you to sign a few forms down at the nurses' station."

"I'll be right there, will she get to come home soon?"

"If she can keep some food down for a couple of hours then she should be able to leave tonight."

I had to smile a little about that, _I hate hospitals. _But then thinking of the conversation I needed to have when I got home, the smile faded rather quickly.

5 Long hours later, I finally sat down on the couch at home. _I'd so much rather be in my room at school._ After the silent car ride, my Dad looked like he was going to snap, his face and neck were a very not good shade of red. And I knew he was going to yell before I got to say anything.

"Olivia, I never thought you would be so irresponsible! I can't believe you would try to keep it a secret, The doctors wouldn't even tell me what was wrong I had to figure it out on my own!!"

_Huh?_

"I want to know who the father is RIGHT NOW!!"

_Oh my God, he thinks I'm pregnant!! _I tried I honestly did. But I couldn't stop the smile that was slipping onto my face… _I can't help it, that's the funniest thing I've heard in days! _ I knew that the smile would be bad, I knew no one would take it well. But I couldn't stop it. It was just so ludicrously funny.

"GO TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT THIS SECOND!! The next thing out of your mouth will be the fathers' name, or you will never set foot outside this house again!!"

"Daddy, I'm not pregnant, I'm still a virgin…"

I managed to keep my voice small and quiet, but the smile was still there. _Seriously is my body mad at me for something? Control yourself!_

Over in the corner I herd my mothers quiet "Oh thank God" but I just watched as my Daddy's sail lost all its wind.

"Liv, can you please just tell us what's going on?"

I sighed, took a deep breath and started telling them about the past three weeks. I started from the beginning. Not letting them know Viola was Sebastian till they understood that I was already past it being a simple crush. I'm not sure when along the way I decided not to tell them I was a lesbian, they didn't need to know that. I just finished by letting them know, that even though I was still furious at her for lying to me, I still loved Viola. And that I had made myself sick trying to convince myself that I didn't.

My mom looked so sad, but Dad was kind of smiling a little bit.

"Does this mean there won't be any more boys?" he asked hopefully, and I just had to smile at that.

"Probably Daddy, I just realized a lot of stuff last night, and I'm going to need to think about it for a while."

"Mom? Are you okay?"

She looked at me for a second, then back to her lap "I think I'll feel better when I meet this Viola girl." She said.

"I did mention that she doesn't think of me that way right?"

A brief flicker of a smile came over my Mom's face "You told her you were going to kiss her right?"

"Yeah…"

"Did she do anything to try to convince you not to?"

"No…"

"So you're telling me that if say, that Malcolm kid you're always complaining about said he was going to kiss you. You wouldn't try to stop him?"

"Eww, yes I'd slap him the second he said it…" _Could she be right? Did Viola want me to kiss her?_

I think the conversation continued for a while, but I wasn't paying any attention. I just kind of drifted through the rest of the day caught up in thoughts of kisses I hadn't had. I wondered what her lip gloss would taste like. I wanted to run my hands through her hair… _she has really amazing hair._ Smiling I thought about going shopping for shoes with her…

She was all I thought about, and after finally going to bed. I wasn't surprised to find myself dreaming about her too.

**I'm sorry, I promise Viola will be making her presence known next chapter. Is it weird that I picture Olivia's dad as J.K. Simmons? He just played the Dad bit so well in Juno…**

**Thank you so much for the Reviews!! I've never written for other people before, it's really fun.**


	4. Chapter 4

**TITLE:** Love Hurts

**FANDOM:** She's the Man

**RATING:** T may change to M later

**PAIRING:** Olivia/Viola

**SUMMARY:** Olivia breaks down after the revelations.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing, but I'm pretty sure this story is coming out of my head. Can anything really be yours after it's out of your head?

**She was all I thought about, and after finally going to bed. I wasn't surprised to find myself dreaming about her too.**

_Let the chips fall where they may… _That's what she told me to do. To tell everyone the truth and let the chips fall where they may.

I was still at home, but I was supposed to be heading back to school today. _Why is it her advice sounds so much more reasonable now than it did at the time?_ Maybe because it was good advice? Maybe because it wasn't a lie this time?

I'm still kind of worried about what people will say when I get back. Will they make fun of me, or will they be understanding? Either way I can't imagine it not being brought up.

You know that thing you do, when you come up with big speeches, and play out entire conversations in your head. Knowing that you will in no way be cool enough to pull them off in person. Well I had about 50 of them all running through my head, about 20 of them were for Viola. The rest were for Maria, Duke, the Real Sebastian, I even had an apology for Eunice prepared… I did kinda make her go out with Viola. Potentially putting her in the same situation I found myself in.

Glancing in the mirror before heading out, I couldn't help but be annoyed, I looked like I hadn't eaten in a week. _Who are you trying to impress?_ A little smile, _Viola. _Shaking myself out of the evil Viola-thought-loop that I've been living in, I checked the clock. _7:15 _Maria was supposed to pick me up at 7:00, so I figured another 15 minutes till she'd get here.

'...laid spread out before me as her body once did…' huh_, maybe that's why I like using Pearl Jam, for that ring tone?_

"Hello?"

'Livy, Hon I'm sorry I can't make it out there this morning, but I asked Eunice to pick you up, on her way back. She's picking up her new room mate.'

"Oh? How long do you think that will last?" I asked laughing a little. Its not that I don't like Eunice, I do. Its just she can be a little… extreme…

'I don't know… I'm going to put my money on a week.'

"I think they'll hang out a little longer. I'll guess two weeks."

'Oh did you hear? She's going out with Toby now!'

"Really? Wow, I really never saw that coming"

'I know, right?'

"Hang on I just heard something, it looks like she's here. I'll talk to you at lunch, bye."

'See you later'

Best friends are nice and all, but they sometimes do things. that they say are for you own good. But I think it's just so you have enough drama in your life to be interesting to them. Because there I was standing on my front step, as Viola moved from the passenger seat to the back.

I'm not really sure how long I stood there, lost in my evil Viola-thought-loop. But Eunice's horn finally snapped me out of it. _Deep breath, Calm, now walk_.

Sliding into the passenger seat, I focused on Eunice since I was in no way ready to talk to Viola yet.

And I've got to say, Eunice was a surprise. She was sans headgear and glasses. Actually wearing makeup and her hair had been done. She actually looked... nice.

"How do you like my makeover? I don't even have to wear a bra with this shirt."

I know I was doing my wide eyed blank stare… I didn't want to, but some of the things that girl says are just… too much information.

"You look nice. So Maria said you were picking up your new room mate…" I nodded my head towards the back.

"It's so awesome, she has the most amazing collection of Hanson CD's!!"

I had to turn around to see her face after that… and it was worth it. She looked totally red faced and mortified. And I couldn't quit grinning.

_Hanson CDs, Barbie Girl ring tone. Everything I find out about her, makes her even cuter. _

"Hanson?" I asked still unable to make myself quit smiling.

"They were my brothers!!"

"By your brothers do you mean yours? I can see how that would be confusing after the last few weeks."

_Am I really already teasing her about that? Am I still mad? Yes, but she's so cute when she's embarrassed…. I mean look at her, she's just all blushy… _

"Besides, I read your brothers lyrics remember? I know he has better taste."

_Score one for Olivia!_

"Speaking of my brother, you did quite a number on him with that kiss. But I don't think it was quite 'his enemy's felt it' good."

"I'm sorry, maybe if **someone** hadn't encouraged me to kiss them it wouldn't have happened!"

"I wasn't encouraging you to kiss me, I was trying to make sure you didn't hurt Duke!"

"Really?" Smiling a little "Cause it looked like you were totally into my plan to kiss you."

"Are you guys going to fight or kiss? Cause if you're going to fight it needs to be not in my Mom's car."

"Sorry Eunice, Viola and I will talk later."

Viola gave a kinda unenthusiastic "yay" from the back seat. The rest of the trip was fairly quiet. _If you exclude Eunice's heavy breathing._

When we arrived at Illyria, I was already late to my first class, so I just took off without saying anything else. _I'm kind of scared of what I would say to be honest_. And managed to avoid talking to much anyone, most of the day. At least until I had to go to biology.

You'll never guess who my new lab partner was… Sebastian Hastings… except this time, it was the real one.

Did you ever go to school with twins? They tend to be in the same classes… this was no exception. And my desire for revenge was temporarily satiated when she got paired up with stalker-Malcolm. Maybe he could drool over her for the rest the year. _Like your going to be doing any different… _shut up! Sorry

"So, Olivia right?"

"First of all, I'm sorry I didn't mean to kiss you. Second, I don't know you. And third, yes I liked your lyrics, but no I don't want to go out with you."

_Holy crap! That was harsh, I can't believe I really just said that._

"Okay, that's cool. If you liked the lyrics though, my band will be playing at that coffee place across from Cesarios tomorrow."

Looking up I noticed that Viola was kind of just staring at me, Sebastian didn't seem to put off by my rudeness, I think he was just happy I liked his lyrics.

"That would be nice, I'd like to hear you guys, what instrument are you?"

"Guitar and Bass. But I can fill in on drums if I need to."

_Sweet, he is going to be an easy lab partner to get along with. _

After the initial 'your sister is a psycho' getting to know you stuff the class actually was a lot more pleasant than I thought it would be. Possibly because I spent most of it sneaking discrete looks at Viola. Who didn't seem to be doing her work at all, she just kept looking at either Duke or me. Duke as far as I could tell was looking everywhere except at Viola. _I guess he's still mad at her too. But hey, that means that she's still up for grabs, I just have to get her first! _As soon as class ended I decided to lay the groundwork for my new plan.

"Viola, I'm sorry about yelling at you earlier, I was wondering if I could make it up to you we could go to Anthropologie later, I could show you their shoes?"

_I knew that would get a smile out of her... Huh... was she always so tall?_

"Absolutely I'd love to."

"Sweet, it's a date!"

It was a little mean, but I knew it would bug her.

_Just wait till she sees what else I have planed for our 'Date'!_

**Reviews are like caffeine pills, except they make me stay up late writing! It was either Hanson or a sex toy, and personally I'd be more embarrassed by the Hanson CDs. **

**By the way, bad reviews are good too, I'm doing this to become a better writer. So criticism is welcome. (Thanks rebelsom!!)**


	5. Chapter 5

**TITLE:** Love Hurts

**FANDOM:** She's the Man

**RATING:** T may change to M later

**PAIRING:** Olivia/Viola

**SUMMARY:** Olivia breaks down after the revelations.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing, but I'm pretty sure this story is coming out of my head. Can anything really be yours after it's out of your head?

_**Just wait till she sees what else I have planed for our 'Date'!**_

I know its cliché and I hate that it's true. But I think I tried on everything I owned at least twice. In my defense I did still look like I hadn't eaten in a week. Before finally settling on the yellow dress that I wore to the carnival. _Note to self: keep more clothes in your dorm._

After what felt like hours of getting ready. I found myself knocking on Eunice and Viola's door.

"Toby?"

"Sorry Eunice, its Olivia"

Almost immediately, Viola popped her head out. Looking kind of frantic.

"Olivia! Hi, is it already Six? Give me like 5 seconds."

I'm not sure if it was leftover instincts to act guy-like. Or if I had really bugged her that much with my 'Date' comment. But she seemed very nervous for a girl going shoe shopping. _Nervous-Viola is just as cute as all the other flavors._

After 5 minutes, which is A LOT longer than 5 seconds_, I wasn't counting, I swear, _she came stumbling out of her room with none of the grace of a debutante or a athlete. She was wearing a pair of low rise jeans and black T-shirt, one of those cleavagy T-shirts that you always feel like guys are looking down. _She did flash the entire soccer field, I guess she's not as shy as me._

"Graceful exit, I give it an 8. Mrs. Lancaster would be _so _proud." _I'm not quite as mad as I was anymore. But I still felt like being a little mean to her._

She looked at me funny for a second, before smiling. "Who are you, and where did you hide the nice Olivia?"

"Oh sorry, she's at home. She was scared to be seen in public with the school cross dresser." I gave my best innocent smile.

"A cross dresser? Oh my God, where?" She was really smiling now, not her Sebastian-smile that made me fall for him, this was a million times better and a completely honest smile. And all thoughts of being mean to her were just gone. Honestly I think that smile could kill all thoughts of anything.

After shaking myself out of my little smile-trance I grabbed her hand and started pulling her to my car.

"Oh don't worry about it, she's just some crazy person that lives with Eunice."

"Hey!"

I tried to give her a skeptical look, which is kind of hard when you can't quit smiling.

"Okay, fine… but I'm reserving the right to be indignant later."

"Awe… I'm sorry, I'm sure pretending to be your brother was the only _sane_ thing to do."

"That's right!" she said grinning again.

By then we had gotten to my car, a light blue Honda S2000 convertible that my uncle gave me as an early graduation present. I glanced over at Viola as I was opening the door. She was just staring at my car. _This is ridiculous we haven't even left school yet and my cheeks already hurt from smiling to much!_

"Earth to Viola! Yoo Hoo! Time to wake up!"

"This is your car? I thought it was one of the teachers."

"Nope, Its mine. Now get in or no shoes for you!"

I couldn't suppress the laugh when she jerked her head up and rushed the 3 steps to the car.

I knew if we talked while I was driving I'd get distracted so I turned up the radio as soon as we got in the car.

"Ew, what are you listening to?" she asked while ejecting the CD. "Alizée what language is this?"

"Its french, and after what I heard Eunice say. Do you really want to criticize my music?"

It was SO funny watching the smile and any hint of amusement drain from her face. That I had to put the car back in park, so I didn't wreck while laughing.

"Olivia, You can't tell anyone! Please!"

I don't know why I found the thought so appealing but I found myself imagining all kinds of things I could make Viola do by blackmailing her a little. And I just had to smile, _It_ _was one of those evil smiles that exist just to make people nervous_, as I put the car back in drive.

"I don't know Viola… I think we should get to Anthropologie, and maybe if you're good I will give you a way to keep me quiet!"

She looked very nervous now, she was still smiling though. So I figured I should change the subject.

"Hey, after shoes do you want to go watch a movie? The Covenant is playing, and Maria said that I look just like one of the girls in it."

She looked relived to think about something other than the dirt I had on her.

"Yeah, that sounds like fun. Oh! We can get those giant soft pretzels!!"

I love how such simple things can make her face light up like that.

_You have it bad girl…_

I don't think I've ever had as much fun as I did shopping with her. She is so silly and cute, she kept trying on the most ridiculous clothes she could find. There should be a law against laughing as much as we did, I don't know how I survived it. Especially when she found this thong that was like 10 sizes bigger than the biggest person I've ever seen… and she just put it on over her clothes and stretched it over her shoulders, after fiddling with it for a couple of seconds while I laughed she turned to me completely serious and asked me:

"What do you think? Could I pull this off as a swim suit?"

And I lost it… I couldn't even stand up anymore, I was laughing so hard. I think that's when the store manager asked us to leave. So we paid for our shoes, and headed over to the movie theater, I think for a while we only managed to stay standing by leaning on each other.

It was like we were out of control. We couldn't even look at each other without laughing. Finally after the third time we got shushed in the theater, I bit my lip squeezed her hand, and focused on the movie. The special effects were good, the story was okay, and the acting left something to be desired. But watching the whole thing, holding her hand like that, it was the best movie I've ever went to.

I guess the movie calmed us down a little, cause we could look at each other without laughing afterwards… We couldn't stop the smiles though.

"What do you think? Me or Sarah from the movie?"

"Huh?"

"Who's prettier?"

_I know I was fishing for compliments, but I paid for the movie so she owed me._

"You obviously, are you kidding. She was all ugh…"

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know how to describe it, she just had a very ughy quality"

_She's so cute!!! _

"Okay Olivia, I was good all night, how can I keep you quiet?" even though she was still smiling she managed to look like she was pouting.

_I can't stop looking at her lips… not good._

"I'll make it really easy, just promise you'll go out with me tomorrow to listen to your brothers band."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"Cool, to quote Eunice, 'I'm so there it's insane!'" which made us laugh all over again.

The rest of the trip home was fairly quiet, we just talked about the movie, and made fun of the store manager that kicked us out. There were a few comfortable silences, and we laughed about her thong-suit a little. _God I hope I don't screw this up._

Her room was on the way to mine, so we walked together up to her door. I didn't even realize we were holding hands till she let go.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow, thank you for inviting me."

_Can I really do this?_

"Anytime, thank you for coming with me."

_Oh my God…._

For some reason her words popped into my head again, 'let the chips fall where they may' and I knew if I didn't do this now. I would never get another chance like this.

She looked down to try to find the key to her room, and I moved right in front of her.

"Viola."

She looked up…

And I kissed her.

I'm not talking like I kissed her brother. I wasn't aiming for her enemies. This wasn't about them, or anyone else. It was all her.

I kissed her, I kissed Viola

**Wow, thank you so much for the reviews!! I never would have thought this many people even read this pairing, or would read my attempt at a story. **_**I probably shouldn't be surprised though, Amanda and Laura would be wicked hot together.**_

**The Covenant came out in September 06 so I figure that's what playing at the beginning of the school year.**


	6. Chapter 6

**TITLE:** Love Hurts

**FANDOM:** She's the Man

**RATING:** T may change to M later

**PAIRING:** Olivia/Viola

**SUMMARY:** Olivia breaks down after the revelations.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing, but I'm pretty sure this story is coming out of my head. Can anything really be yours after it's out of your head?

**I kissed her, I kissed Viola.**

As much as I wanted to get lost in this kiss… as much as I wanted it to last till I suffocated. I knew that I needed to take control of the situation before Viola freaked out. So I reluctantly pulled away. She looked like a very shocked statue version of Viola. _Cause I kissed her!_

"Bye Vy, I'll see you tomorrow."

_Bi-Vy…. That's awesome. _I pressed a quick kiss against the corner of her mouth, before I turned and quickly walked back to my room, smiling so hard I thought my cheeks were going to crack. There really is only so much smiling you can do in one day. _I kissed her!!! _

I collapsed onto my bed, without really feeling it. All of my nerves seemed to have taken a back seat to my lips, which were all tingles and tasted like her cherry lip gloss… _How did I miss it? She's such a girl!_ I knew getting excited was a bad idea and that when she came to her senses she'd probably be mad at me. But my brain was stuck in '_I kissed her_' land.

_Focus, think about something useful!_ So instead of thinking about my reaction, I tried to imagine hers. Was she lying on her bed trying to imagine what I was doing? Was she freaking out? _That was so much better than when I kissed her brother… Gee I wonder why? You just had the best date you've ever been on, and kissed the girl you've been in love with for like a month… _

Maybe sleep is the best plan right now. _ Yeah, like that's going to happen…_

Suddenly laying there basking in my Viola-thoughts, it strikes me… _Who the heck am I? In the past month I have used Duke just to make someone jealous, I've kiss-kissed a total stranger, I nearly had a total mental breakdown, realized I'm gay, Screamed at Viola, Shot down Sebastian without a thought. And I'm currently in the process of seducing a straight girl…. Wow… I may not know who I am anymore. But my life is far more interesting than it ever has been before._

I managed to fall asleep trying to figure out who I'm turning into, I guess I'll have to wait and see.

I woke up happier than I've been, well… I think I was about this happy on Christmas morning when I was like 7… Basically good day for me, and my plan to get Viola was so far working perfectly. Which should have been my first clue that something bad was about to happen.

I got up and went to take my morning shower, I got a few weird looks. I just assumed they were because I was still all sick looking. But when I went in the shower and everyone took off. I knew something was up. I tried over and over to get one of the girls to talk to me, but they all just stayed out of my path, shut up when I got near, or shut themselves in their room. _This is ruining my happy-day!_

Finally getting frustrated I knocked on Maria's door.

"Maria, am I going insane or is _Everyone_ talking about me?"

She looked kind of nervous. _Is she scared of me?_

"Okay Liv, you should probably come in and see this." Opening her door wider I stepped in.

I was surprised to see a laptop sitting on her bed. _I didn't even think she knew how to use a computer_.

She spun it so I could see, and pulled up youtube. _Youtube is making people avoid me? That's new._

Then the video started playing and I felt my blood run cold.

I heard a quiet 'Viola' come from the speakers, but that didn't even register. Then right there on the computer screen was my happiest moment. It was filmed from a kind of awkward angle, and you could tell whoever was filming had zoomed in to the point of low quality to catch it. But it was still good enough to easily identify both Viola and me. _Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! Viola is going to freak_!

Quickly thanking Maria, and promising to explain everything to her later. I rushed to Eunice and Viola's room, hoping to at least do some damage control.

When I got to the door I heard crying inside. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair a few times before forcing myself to knock.

"Hi." Eunice said opening the door. _She sounds so subdued. I've never heard Eunice not excited._

"Viola, I…" I started but stopped when she jerked her head up to look at me.

"Olivia, go away. You made your point you got your revenge. Just leave me alone… Just leave me alone."

"But Viola…" She jumped up and was in my face glaring down at me before I could even react. _She really is a lot taller than me._

"Don't you dare try to apologize!"

"But I'm sorry… I didn't mean for" I felt my cheek burning and winced, before I even realized that she had slapped me.

When I looked up she was gone.

I wish I could say I went after her. or that I was able to pretend that nothing had happened. But the new slightly more confident version of me that had been hanging around for the past few days… she decided to leave.

I just curled up on the floor of their room and cried.

**I'm sorry!! You knew something bad had to happen though, cause otherwise chapter 6 probably would have been the last.**

**I went back through the previous chapters and corrected some spelling and grammatical errors. Please review!! I doubt I would have been able to motivate myself to write this much without you guys reading it!**


	7. Chapter 7

**TITLE:** Love Hurts

**FANDOM:** She's the Man

**RATING:** T may change to M later

**PAIRING:** Olivia/Viola

**SUMMARY:** Olivia breaks down after the revelations.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing, but I'm pretty sure this story is coming out of my head. Can anything really be yours after it's out of your head?

**I just curled up on the floor of their room and cried. **

The next week was kind of like a dream to me, every day from the time I woke up, till I fell asleep, there was this pain gnawing at my stomach, and I didn't have a clue what to do. Viola wouldn't speak to me, Eunice had instructions to make sure I wasn't at the door before opening it. And worst of all she was back to apologizing and flirting with Duke.

The only thing that made me smile was when I told Maria that I was gay. She got this big smile on her face, and then acted all hurt and offended that she wasn't the first girl I hit on. I had no idea that she would be so great about it. I can't believe I avoided telling her for so long.

I was in this really self-defeating mood all the time. Every plan I started to have for getting Viola talking to me again, I had dismissed before even working out any details. Till I stopped trying to even think about it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still loved her. I just couldn't imagine a way she would forgive me when she wouldn't talk to me.

I'm not sure when I started getting mad at her again. But I was. _If I was trying to hurt you, why would I even try to talk to you afterwards?_ Did she even try to figure out why I would kiss her, and give myself that social scar if I wasn't into her?

_Its kind of funny, kiss one girl in the hallway and I get private shower time for the rest of the year?_ Even if I hadn't totally loved kissing her, the private showers were almost worth kissing her for. I'm still not really sure what everyone thinks about me, _that's not completely true, a few guys told me that after seeing me kiss another girl. I went from hot, to perfect._ Guys are so predictable, why did I think I liked them? _They aren't psychotic, emotionally unbalanced, and vindictive like girls are?_

Sorry, kind of got off on a rant there. Anyhow I started getting mad at her, then I got mad at me, and finally I got mad at everyone else. Which is when I decided I should hunt down whoever it was that decided to ruin my life with that video.

"Maria, I need your help."

"With what? It's not a gay thing right?" I could hear her smiling over the phone.

She's never mean about it, but I don't think I'm going to hear the end of it for quite a while.

"Sorry but no, if you can just get over your disappointment, I'm trying to figure out who took that video."

"Cool, its like The L Word meets Nancy Drew, I'm so there."

"Did I ever tell you, that you're kind of a freak?"

"Love you too, I'll be over in a few minutes."

I think her new mission in life is to make me uncomfortable. Luckily thus far she has failed.

She walked into my room about 15 minutes later, _without knocking by the way,_ and set down her teddy bear backpack on my bed next to me.

"God your lazy, did I misunderstand? Does help mean 'come do it for me' now?"

I had to smile at her, there is a reason she's been my best friend for years.

"Yeah, didn't you hear? I wanted you to come over and _do it for me_." I said in the most suggestive voice I could muster.

"Eww your so gross. Get off your fat ass, and draw the floor plan for that hall."

"Hey! My ass is not fat!" I pouted, but I got up anyway.

"No kidding, when was the last time you ate?" she said, while pulling her laptop out of the teddy bear.

"Lunch, I think."

"By lunch do you mean Gold's famous apple and sandwich? Cause that's a pretty pathetic amount of food."

"I haven't really been into the whole eating thing lately."

"Liv, you haven't been into the whole living thing lately. When was the last time you went for a jog, or came over to my room?"

"I went for a run last week?"

"Yeah, right before your 'date' with Viola. You're just proving my point."

"Fine, here I drew the hall, this is Viola and Eunice's room, where we were standing. Here's Tracee's room, and over by the end of the hall is that goth-girl's room. Whats her name again?"

"The one with all the piercings? That's Megan. We went to kindergarten with her."

"We did? I don't remember her at all."

"She was blonde then, and always wore that purple coat with the bunny ears on the hood."

"Oh my god! What happened to her? She used to come over to my house and play Barbie's."

"What do you mean, what happened to her? What happened to you? You used to go out with boys."

"Okay seriously now, from the angle that video is shot from. It would have had to be Megan's room."

"Why would she want to tape you making with the lesbian lip-lock?"

"I don't know. I haven't talked to her in years."

"I guess that my side kick and I, should go have a talk with her."

"Why am I the side kick?"

"Because you're all scrawny, and defensive of your ass. You're just like Robin!"

"You are in need of some serious professional psychological help Maria."

"Come on. Get up we're going to go question the suspect!" She said, pulling me up off my bed.

I'd never tell her, but talking to Maria, makes me think I'm a kid again. And thinking I'm a kid, is WAY better than thinking like a heartbroken school girl. _God is that what I've become?_

I was kind of staring out the window, while Maria was trying to knock loud enough to be heard over the music. It was raining and gloomy out, the perfect weather to fit how I was feeling, and after a few seconds looking outside. My slightly better mood Maria had given me was gone.

Just as I sighed, lightning hit the Science building across from me, making me jump mid sigh. And giving me the hiccups. _What a perfect day, maybe I can fall down some stairs, or get stabbed today. Then at least I'd have physical pain to concentrate on. _

Finally Maria just kicked the door, pretty hard too. And the music died. When Megan popped out, instead of listening to her. I tried to find my old friend in her. she had short spiked hair, dyed black with red tips. Eyebrow, lip, and nose rings. But underneath that. I did see the girl with the bunny coat. And it made me sad. Why didn't I stay friends with her? How many people had I just forgotten about since I grew my boobs and got popular? At least I wasn't mean to any of them. I was never one for teasing or being mean. I just stopped hanging out with them.

It was about then, I noticed Maria snapping her fingers in front of my face.

"Huh? What?"

"Dude, were you listening at all?"

I did that half smile, half shrug thing. That clearly said I hadn't been listening.

"Keep it up, you'll be on Ritalin, before you Graduate. Megan said she wasn't even here that day, and she doesn't have a room mate."

"There was no one else in the hall, that I know of. Who could have taped it?"

"Sometimes at night there is someone over in the science building. They don't turn on the lights. But I see their flashlight sometimes." Megan said grimacing slightly. "I always thought they were spying on me, so I keep my curtains closed at all times."

"Is there anyone that you can think of that would want to watch you?" Maria asked

"Not that I can think of."

"Well thank you for your help. We'll let you know if we find out anything."

I really wanted to undo the damage I had inadvertently done. So without really thinking I asked Megan:

"Hey do you want to do something this weekend?"

"I'd love to, but my girlfriend would never forgive me." She smiled before closing her door.

_I blame it on my being new to the whole lesbian thing. How do you ask a friend to go hang out, without it sounding like you want to make out with them?_

I must have been big with the wide eyed shock, because Maria started laughing pretty hard. She didn't stop till well after we were back in my room.

"Well now that you've laughed at me, chastised my poor diet and exercise habits, and made fun of my ass, what do you think? I've obviously put up with you enough to earn your help."

"I think that tomorrow we are going to search the Science building for clues, Nancy!"

"Hey your Nancy remember, I'm the L word part of the equation."

"After your little scene with Megan, how could I forget?" And she was laughing again. I even laughed a little this time.

I fell asleep that night feeling better than I had since I saw that video.

**Am I supposed to know where the story is going before I write it? Cause I'm just winging it and letting the characters in my head decide what's going to happen. **

**Love the reviews! Thank you so much everyone!**


	8. Chapter 8

TITLE: Love Hurts

**TITLE:** Love Hurts

**FANDOM:** She's the Man

**RATING:** T may change to M later

**PAIRING:** Olivia/Viola

**SUMMARY:** Olivia breaks down after the revelations.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing, but I'm pretty sure this story is coming out of my head. Can anything really be yours after it's out of your head?

**I fell asleep that night feeling better than I had since I saw that video.**

I spent the entire next day, waiting for classes to end so that Maria and I could continue our investigation. _At least it gives me non-Viola things to think about. _But in Biology, I was forced to see something that truly made me feel ill. Viola wasn't just working with Malcolm anymore, she was flirting with him, and touching his hand, and she was doing it without even looking up at me. _She's not doing it to make me jealous, she's flirting with him for real._

Maria and I met in the Science building and started checking out every room on that side of the building. From the bottom floor working our way up. We stopped when we were about halfway through to have something to eat.

"So I might be doing this just to find someone to blame, I don't think I've got a chance of getting Viola anymore."

"Yeah, with all that self-pitying and obsessing you seem to be all about these days, she's really missing out too."

"Your right, I'd say she deserves better, but she's a liar and really doesn't."

_At least I can smile about running us both down together._

"Yeah, says the girl who tricked her into going on your first date."

"I think she's going to go out willingly with Malcolm." My voice broke just a little.

"Malcolm? Really? Why would she go near that little troll?"

"I don't know, maybe just because she knows I don't like him."

"Eww, Liv I know this sucks. But I've got to let you know, that if you loose her to him, I'm never going to let you live it down."

"Gee thanks a bunch Maria."

"Come on, get that ass in gear. Let's finish searching for clues, so I can go pretend to do homework and pass out."

So we continued our search and checked every single room on the dorm side of the building. There was nothing but classrooms, nothing even a little suspicious. Frustrated and tired we went back to our rooms.

Maria was right, even if I did find out who took the video. I still wasn't acting like someone Viola want to talk to, let alone date. So I deciding I needed to 'get a life' again, so I decided to kill two birds with one stone. _I never really thought about that saying before, poor birdies… _I went to go see if Megan wanted to do something as I really did want to be her friend again. _How long has Maria been my only real friend? 3 years?_

Before I knocked I glanced out the window I had been staring out of before.

I almost didn't see the light on the roof of the Science building. I almost knocked without even thinking about it. But I caught myself right before my fist tapped her door.

_There is someone up there! That must be where my amateur film maker was hiding. _

I should have knocked, I should have called Maria, and I should have gone back to my room. I should NOT have snuck out to go see who was on the roof, I should NOT have went over there without my pepper spray keychain, and I definitely should NOT have wore heels.

Because just when I thought I was going to find out who shot that video, someone slammed me into the wall. Normally I figure I can take care of myself. I jog all the time, I'm in really good shape, and I took a self defense class the summer before my freshman year. Sadly, I haven't eaten well in over a week, and you really can't run away in heels. _I bet Viola doesn't wear heels… I miss my Viola… 'my Viola'? huh, when did I start thinking of her like that?_

I don't remember a ton, I remember hitting my head on the ground way to hard, I remember something pressed against my face, I remember a sweet taste and something that smelled like the dry cleaners back room. For a little bit it felt like someone had shut off the stars, I could feel my eyes open, but I couldn't see anything.

_I wonder if this is what dying feels like..?_

**Grrrrr!! I'm SO Sorry, it's been so long since I updated. I was in the middle of typing this chapter and realized that I didn't remember the movie well enough to get back into their heads. I know where the story is going, just need to rent the movie again so I don't end up completely lost on the way.**

**Thank you for all of the Reviews. If it wasn't for you all I would have just let this story die in my head.**


	9. Chapter 9

TITLE: Love Hurts

**TITLE:** Love Hurts

**FANDOM:** She's the Man

**RATING:** T may change to M later

**PAIRING:** Olivia/Viola

**SUMMARY:** Olivia breaks down after the revelations.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything.

**Warning: **This chapter is really dark. I don't think I'll have to change the rating to M but let me know if you think I should.

_**I wonder if this is what dying feels like..?**_

When I woke up, (God this makes me feel ill just to think about) I wished I had died on the roof of the science building. I don't even know how to describe the amount of fear I was in.

I tried to scream, I wanted to run so bad that for at least an hour I didn't even notice anything about my surroundings. _I'm tied up!!, Oh my God, Please help me!! I can't move, I can't feel my clothes, OH MY GOD, I'm not wearing them!! Did someone rape me? Are they going to rape me again now that I'm awake?_

I really started shaking after that. I don't think I could have stopped the tears right then, I wanted to throw up, but something was stuck in my mouth, and I couldn't get it out. _Oh God, if I puke I'm going to choke to death… _which of course made my stomach turn even worse.

Absolute terror, combined with pulling on my bound arms and legs, is way more exhausting than it should be, considering I haven't been able to move. As my body was forcing itself to calm down, I tried to get my mind to go along for the ride.

_Okay Liv, focus. I can't get out of this right now, so calm down. What are you supposed to do in a situation like this? Think happy thoughts? Viola, our kiss… oh god I wanted her to be my first, maybe my only. Please don't let me lose my virginity to a rape! Okay happy thoughts not a great idea. Are you supposed to try to be all logical and try to figure your way out? If I end up pregnant Daddy's going to kill me… wow where did that come from? Okay, focus Liv, check out the room._

When I looked down finally and saw that my panties were still there, I was so relived that I started crying again. I'm tied to a bed, _Oh God, why is my picture on the pillow next to me?_ There are pictures of me everywhere. This isn't just a random kidnapping, this person has been spying on me, for years it looks like. My favorite sweatshirt, the one I lost almost a year ago, is pinned to the wall… _this is the single scariest place I've ever seen. Oh Jesus... there are pictures of me getting dressed through my window... I don't this they have any intention of letting me go. I'm going to die here. _I just shut down, I was exhausted anyway. My wrists and ankles were bleeding and rope burned. My stomach hurt, my eyes burned, and I fell asleep hoping that when I woke up this would just be a bad dream.

A really, really bad dream.

It was dark again when I woke up. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that meant I had been here for an entire day. but what woke me was a hand running up and down my legs. I tried to jerk away from it. But I was still tied down to tightly. My screams were so muffled they sounded hardly louder than a whisper.

"Don't worry Olivia, I'm not going to hurt you, I just needed to keep you away from that bitch that's trying to corrupt you. At least until I show you that your supposed to be with me."

My stomach dropped when I heard that voice.

_Malcolm._

I thought he just had a crush on me. The 'Stalker Malcolm' thing was just a joke with Maria. But this, this was real life, violent, and terrifying.

"I'm sorry I'm sure you could use something to eat and drink. But I can't risk you screaming. So you're going to have to wait till tomorrow night. I'll take you up to my uncle's hunting cabin. I've got it all set up for us." he smiled at me. and slid his hand up my thigh.

I tried to throw up, I honestly would rather choke to death than do anything he was planning on.

"You've caused me so much trouble lately, I had to practically blackmail that freak so that she would stay away from you. I had hoped the video would be enough but that only worked for a few hours. It took some pictures and your parents home address before she would finally listen and stay away from you."

_She doesn't hate me? He's been keeping her away from me?! _For a few seconds I completely forgot where I was, or what was happening. I was just happy. _I still have a chance then. Maybe I can get her to go to Cesarios with me… _Now if possible I wanted away from here even more than I did before.

Malcolm finally took his hands off me, and just ignored me as he got ready for bed, fed his spider. And went down the hall to the bathroom.

I hoped someone would see in his door while it was open, but no such luck. _Maria should have tried to call me a few times by now, she knows I'm missing. Who would she tell? Where would she go?_

Malcolm came back in, and again no one was in the hallway.

He laid down next to me, pulled a blanket over both of us, then curled up around me, making my skin crawl "Good night sweetie." He kissed my forehead, threw one leg over mine, and put his hand on my breast. _I'd give almost anything for a bra right now, seriously please?!_ He snuggled up and fell right asleep.

_What kind of monster can sleep after doing this to someone? Doesn't he feel even a little guilty?_

_I want to go home_. The tears started again, and I knew they wouldn't stop anytime soon.

**I'm almost positive I'm not in the same Olivia's head anymore. but if anyone can think of a way to make the end of the last chapter and this chapter flow better with the previous ones, I'd appreciated it. **

**Thank you for the Reviews. **


End file.
